The Mystery of the Appearing Pirates

My cousin gets married in New Orleans–it’s quite lovely, early spring (at least, it’s early spring in Chicago; spring has probably been fully underway down there for a while), before it gets too terribly hot and humid. My husband is shackled to his desk because of tax season, so I end up mostly hanging out with my parents in the French Quarter for a few days.

The day after we arrive I start seeing dudes dressed like pirates. I mean, this is New Orleans, in the French Quarter, so I don’t know if this is a thing that happens all the time or if it’s a special occasion. But slowly more and more pirates appear.

One pirate, being noticeably more piratey than the others, triggers my mom to suggest I go get my picture taken with him. I instantly become twelve years old. “Moooooom, no!” I have friends and family who are professional nerds. This guy isn’t even the most be-pirated person I’ve seen in my normal life. I know people who throw pirate-themed parties for no reason and dress up with clothes they already have that weren’t originally intended as pirate-wear but end up looking freakishly appropriate. This guy is like a 6.5 on the pirate scale, tops. But to appease her, I take this fairly awful photo:

The punchline, of course, is PIRATE CONVENTION. Yarg. Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day!

And here you have it in piratespeak, courtesy of the Pirate Translator:

The pirate speaks, me cousin gets married in New Orleans–it’s quite lovely, early sprin’ (at least, it’s early sprin’ in Chicago; sprin’ had probably been fully underway down thar for a while), before it gets too terribly hot and humid. Me husband be shackled t’ his desk because o’ tax season, so I end up mostly hangin’ out with me parents in t’ French Quarter for a few days.

T’ day after we arrived I start seein’ dudes dressed like pirates. I mean, this be New Orleans, in t’ French Quarter, so I don’t know if this be a thin’ that happens all t’ time or if it’s a special occasion. But slowly more and more pirates appear.

One pirate, bein’ noticeably more piratey than t’ others, triggers me mom t’ suggest I go get me picture taken with him. I instantly become twelve years old. “Moooooom, no!” I have buckos and family who be professional nerds. This guy isn’t even t’ most be-pirated person I’ve seen in me normal life. I know people who throw pirate-themed parties for no reason and dress up with clothes they already have that weren’t originally intended as pirate-wear but end up lookin’ freakishly appropriate.  This guy be like a 6.5 on t’ pirate scale, tops. But t’ appease her, I take a fairly awful photo.

Laura

About Laura Bolesta

Laura is a recovering artist and a production manager at a small press. She lives in Horner Park West, Chicago, in a falling-down house with her husband, 2 cats, and dog.

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