What to Call Cities If You Want to Prove You’re Not From Around Here

Chi-town (acceptable only if you’re a rapper trying to find a rhyme)

Frisco (acceptable only if you’re singing “Sittin on the Dock of the Bay”–which you should, it’s a great song)

The Big Apple (acceptable only if you’re a tour guide on a doubledecker bus)

St. Louie (acceptable only if you’re in the chorus of an old-timey musical)

Beantown (acceptable only if you’re trying to round out a listicle to an even five and you’re like, hmm, what other towns have stupid nicknames no one uses, so you google “city nicknames locals don’t use” and one of the links reminds you, oh, Boston exists, and it has a stupid nickname)

(And yes, I have decided to start my weekend early, why do you ask?)