Lazy River of Horrors

Ok kids, grab your swim trunks and your flippy-floppies, it’s float trip time.

When an establishment tells you they don’t take reservations because they have 1000 tubes and there’s never any waiting, you should probably be suspicious if you are, like me, someone who rarely stumbles into good luck. Naturally, we had to wait in line for a while in the suffocating heat, though the staff at S&B Tubing was incredibly nice and friendly, and it wasn’t their fault that everyone and their dog (literally! related: dogs in life jackets are adorable) chose to go tubing on one of the first nice weekends of the summer.

The trip started out innocuously enough, blue skies, no mosquitos, gentle breeze. But wait.


I saw it as I was passing by it, about two feet away. Chris, on the other hand, was right in its path.


Being the champion swimmer that she is, when confronted with a large dead fish rapidly approaching her face, she opted to abandon tube for the river. How does a fish get stuck in a tree, and a rather large fish at that? Does Chris ask this question? Does she get upset about almost running face-first into a stanky gross fish? No she does not. Instead, she says, “This reminds me of the time I swam into a dead cat in Lake Michigan.”

Chris: 2
Animal carcasses: 0

Luckily, the rest of the trip looked more like this:

Everybody look at me because I'm floating on a tube.

Everybody look at me because I’m floating on a tube.

Also, This Guy, amirite?

Doing it right.

Doing it right.



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